Written by Susan Lane SLCM Keeper of ColourMine
ColourMine Tongue in Cheek Review – From Car Reviewer to Mucky Doer
ColourMine: A look at a celebrity who changed careers later in life unexpectedly and made a lasting impression in both fields, pun intended.
Still in the news I see
You’ve moved on from who you used to be
The motoring guru that was you
Along with Richard Hammond
And James May too
The information you imparted was brilliant to see
For lots of people who couldn’t be
The font of all knowledge like you three
The people lapped it up because you gave it all
So generously with all the different features
Sometimes verbal and others times on a board
You occasionally did a turn on the Nürburgring
Showing us mere mortals what we were missing
Because of you three, we did see
All those things you tested diligently as a teamAnd all the over expensive cars
That weren’t ever likely to be anywhere near
Any of those people or me
Some of your audience absolutely loved it
And others like me ended up watching it
Out of sufferance you see
Because in a relationship as a couple
Meant being fair so, some things you just had to do,
Like
Watching some old geezer waffling on
About “special cars”
That you had no interest in,
Not even to view You just had to watch
Even though, like me it really
Wasn’t that interesting would you believe
Watching you blokes try to achieve
God knows what, with your tasks was beyond me
And the ribbing of Richard by you, and James too
That was quite fabulous, but then you knew that too
All the different cars
You considered beneath you but it made us laugh
Because of some of the things you had to do
Like towing the caravans, oh, that was a hoot
And then you had
The Star in the Reasonably Priced Car
With some guests who’d never ventured as far
As getting into the driving seat of any car They’d never had a lesson you see
But they got through
And even repeated the experience too
Then there was the real Star of the Show
Flying around the track, you know who
He’s the one everyone knows
But no-one sees,
Now come on Jeremy, even you must agree
The absolute one and only
Who probably didn’t get paid enough
To put up with you three,
Was The Stig, he was definitely the star
Hands down, he beat you three, hehe Now you’re just a farmer
A virtual nobody, allegedly
Someone who gets paid a pittance,
Or Diddly Squat just for getting dirty
Regularly
Don’t you dare think what you do
Makes you a special celebrity,
I know how hard you have to work
To just survive in this awful economy
You have to dream of ways to be
Financially viable and hopefully profitable
With an idea and a wink For your business to succeed
And worst of all,
Up front it’s your own money
That gives you the urge not to beg or plead
But to play each day with your moral compass
Which hopefully, will help to improve the lot
Of the entire farming industry
So, I wish you good luck with this venture
I hope nothing impedes
The growth of your farm or its viability
Or your inspiration to others who see
That it could very well be their next step
We’ll wait and see how many take up the reins
Within the next decadeNow I think it’s time
For a nice hot cup of tea
Whilst we sit and wait for Jeremy
To enjoy this different notoriety
Full of animal health and variety
Me, my penfriend AssTea and ColourMine
Are willing you on,
Sitting on my swing
With a cup of decaffeinated tea
Enjoying one sip at a time
Come join me for a ColourMine read.
© Susan Lane. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted in any form without prior written permission from the author.
ColourMine poetry, and the original photographs, are completely authentic to myself, Susan Lane – no AI, no plagiarism, all checked and verified by copyleaks
Apologies for the emoji presentation – I tested several, but this was the only one that worked reliably on ColourMine. Just click the box next to the emoji and hit submit, and I’ll know if the poem resonated with you. Thank you for sharing your feelings.
More poems written by Susan Lane SLCM, and you can choose by category
Blog | Organic voice | A happy survival of triumph here
Previous poem ColourMine | This is a happy poet here, love & survival
Speak freely, ColourMine and myself will be pleased to hear from you.
🕵️♂️Tornado of new gaffer under endless impeding nourishment, craving honour even energetic kindness reverting effortlessly viewing intensive enjoyable wandering – Formulating reverence only meant carving a reality reversing every viral integration ending with endless roars totalling other moves under charismatic kindness yearly dodging other emotional resistance. SLCM Working ritually in tornado taking endurance notoriety by yielding sustenance under satire and notion leaning against normal etiquette, keeping every entourage practicality evenly repaired over retribution of formality covering our love of usurpers managing income never ending.
This scroll is part of ColourMine’s layered poetic structure, where emotional resonance and embedded form quietly shape each piece.
