Written by Susan Lane SLCM Keeper of ColourMine
Tongue-in-Cheek Review of Jeremy Clarkson: From Car Reviewer to Mucky Doer
Jeremy: A look at a celebrity who changed careers later in life unexpectedly and made a lasting impression in both fields, pun intended.
From Top Gear
Still in the news, Jeremy Clarkson, I see
But you’ve moved on
From who you used to be
The motoring guru that was you
Along with Richard Hammond
And James May too
The information you imparted
Was brilliant to see
For lots of people
Who couldn’t be
The font of all knowledge
Like you three
But the people all lapped it up
Because you gave it all
So generously
With all the different features
We did see
From Cars to . . .
And all the over expensive cars
That weren’t ever likely to be
Anywhere near
Any of those people or me
Some of your audience
Absolutely loved it
And others like me
Ended up watching it
Out of sufferance you see
Because being fair meant
Some things you just had to do
Like watching some old geezer
Waffling on about “special cars”
That you had no interest in,
Not even to view
Achievements
And you had to watch
Even though, like me
It really wasn’t
That interesting would you believe
Watching you blokes
Try to achieve
God knows what
With your tasks was beyond me
And the ribbing of Richard by you,
And James too
That was quite fabulous
But then you knew that too
To Caravans . . .
All the different cars
You considered beneath you
But it made us laugh
Because of some of the things
You had to do
Like towing the caravans,
Oh, that was a hoot
And then you had
The Star in the Reasonably Priced Car
With some guests
Who’d never ventured as far
As getting into the driving seat
Of any car
The Real Star
They’d never had a lesson you see
But they got through
And even did a few repeats
Then there was the real
Star of the Show
Flying around the track
For everyone to see
But no one knows
Now come on Jeremy,
Even you must agree
The Stig was definitely the star
The absolute one and only
Who probably didn’t get paid enough
To put up with you three,
To Diddly Squat . . . and Jeremy
And now you’re just a farmer
A virtual nobody,
Allegedly
Do you not see
Someone who gets paid a pittance,
Or Diddly Squat
Just for getting dirty
Regularly
But don’t you dare think
You’re anything special to me
Because I know
How hard you have to work
To just survive
In this awful economy
You have to dream of ways to be
Financially viable
And hopefully profitable
Jeremy: Success is Coming
For your business to succeed
And worst of all
It’s your own money
That you’re playing with – daily
So, I wish you good luck
With this venture and hope
Nothing impedes
The growth of your farm
Or it’s viable profitability
Now I think it’s time
For a nice hot cup of tea
Goodbye Jeremy and
Enjoy this different notoriety
I’m willing you on,
Me, AssTea and
One sip at a time
My cup of decaffeinated tea.
© Susan Lane. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted in any form without prior written permission from the author.
ColourMine poetry, and the original photographs, are completely authentic to myself, Susan Lane – no AI, no plagiarism, all checked and verified by copyleaks
Apologies for the emoji presentation – I tested several, but this was the only one that worked reliably on ColourMine. Just click the box next to the emoji and hit submit, and I’ll know if the poem resonated with you. Thank you for sharing your feelings.
More poems written by Susan Lane SLCM, and you can choose by category
Blog | Organic voice | A happy survival of triumph here
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🕵️♂️Tornado of new gaffer under endless impeding nourishment, craving honour even energetic kindness reverting effortlessly viewing intensive enjoyable wandering – Just eternity rewarding endless major years carrying love and rewards keeping sense over newness. Formulating reverence only meant carving a reality reversing every viral integration ending with endless roars totalling other moves under charismatic kindness yearly dodging other emotional resistance. Working ritually in tornado taking endurance notoriety by yielding sustenance under satire and notion leaning against normal etiquette SLCM Keeping every entourage practicality evenly repaired over retribution of formality covering our love of usurpers managing income never ending.
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