Written by Susan Lane

The king-size bed is so fabulous and huge

Big and snug with a super quilt too
It gives a brilliant hug
It’s quite old but it’s mine

And has seen lots of action in its time
Several dogs, children and a couple of cats
Present wrapping for Christmas
Ironing piles and all that

Most of it enjoyable
But as you can tell
There’s always something
That breaks the happy spell
And sends me
Into a version of a living hell

The bed needs fresh sheets
Oh, what a bother, not what I need
Why can’t they be self-cleaning
Just for me, but no

I’ve got to be fighting a battle
When I could be
Enjoying the sun in the garden
And a nice cold drink of Asti

Because I’m only little
It’s not so clever you see
I’d best get the step
As it’s quite difficult for me
To lug around such a large mattress

It’s a monstrosity, too much for me
But why do you do it, I hear you say
Because on occasions the mattress
Needs turning to make it more comfy
Like today

Climbing a King-Size Mountain

Stripping the bedding, washing the sheets
It is quite a task, but I’m quite fleet
It’s the remaking that bothers me
Like climbing Mount Everest
In the snow when it’s loosening
Under your feet

You’re slowing and waiting
To be taken you see
In an avalanche only to be
Wrapped up in the sheet

Whose only task is
To stop you reaching the peak
But at least it’s not as cold
As base camp would be

And I’m not having to fight
Frostbite, no siree
So that said, I’ll stop complaining
And get a move on so I will have
Finished this task, yippee!

The quilt is all done
Nice, fluffy and clean
All the dirty sheets and stuff
Are in the washing machine

I tackle the mattress
To put on the clean sheet
Oh my God, it’s a fight
And I’m feeling beat

I check and it’s definitely
A king-size sheet
One corner on I pull and I tug
To get them all on and fitting snug

By the time I have finished
My workout is done
I can’t believe that it took me
Half an hour of struggling

Just to be quite knackered
But more importantly
I definitely and most urgently
Need to go for a pee

Once I’ve had a cup of tea
Followed by a quick snooze
To recharge my low battery
I’m quite astounded no one

Thought it would be
Such a monumental task
Just preparing. 
A king-size bed for me
And it’s only really a challenge

Size Clarity

When said person is 5 foot 3
Dammit, forget the cup of tea
I’m gonna have a flippin’ glass of Asti
After climbing that mountain
I know I deserve it as my reward, hehe

© Susan Lane. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted in any form without prior written permission from the author.

ColourMine poetry, and the original photographs, are completely authentic to myself, Susan Lane – no AI, no plagiarism, all checked and verified by copyleaks

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More poems written by Susan Lane, and you can choose by category

Blog | Organic voice | A happy survival of triumph here

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