My Tongue-in-Cheek Review of Jeremy Clarkson: From Puppies to Runner Ducks
Written by Susan Lane
Oh, Jeremy Clarkson, I’ve got my favourite seat
Seeing some of your Instagram posts on my feed
You are so lucky all those puppies I have seen
They look absolutely fabulous to me
The mum looks wonderful too
Enjoying all the social media attention
Just like you
The next thing I saw was unusual to me
Some kind of rhubarb fizz drink
Sounds brilliant to me
But probably a bit left field don’t you think
Maybe it’ll gain traction and beat
It may even improve business
And show you’re definitely
Thinking on your feet
Although rhubarb isn’t to everyone’s taste
I gotta say
Me, I love it, like all weirdos do
But I like gypsy tart and lemon meringue too
I like it all naked because that’s the best way to be
Don’t want to muck up the taste of something
That brings back good memories for me
Like the first time I had to eat
Something prepared for me
By someone other than mum
But that was way back in primary
My Reminiscing . . .
Did you remember eating anything
That wasn’t cooked in school
No nor me, because we weren’t fools
They put it on the plate for you to eat
And you ate it all like
It was your favourite treat
I’m so glad we grew up then
It was in some ways
Like you’d envision heaven to be
Although some kids viewed it like
Their worst nightmare or enemy
But that would be because
The bullies would beat
And take your food
Just to get extra to eat
Now, I’m glad to let
The memories recede
We wish you all the best
ColourMine and me
We look forward to reading
About your next feat
Whether it’s some sort of engineering
Or has bird or animal feet
I would suggest though to give a miss
To runner ducks in a shed cos that could
Definitely be a stinky mistake you’d regret, really
I kid you not, a farmer near me
Had runner ducks and the stink was gross
Vile, made you almost puke
On a hot day at a hundred feet
Far worse than cattle pen cleaning
On a Monday, believe me
And as you probably know
That’s so disgusting
You almost can’t breathe
And yes, I’ve experienced that too, hehe
Now I wish you goodbye, enjoy the ride
I can see from my feed
You’re doing spectacularly
So, I’ll be brief
Enjoy, and I’ll be watching
With a biscuit and a cup of tea
Keeping an eye for runner ducks, hehe

© Susan Lane. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted in any form without prior written permission from the author.
ColourMine poetry, and the original photographs, are completely authentic to myself, Susan Lane – no AI, no plagiarism, all checked and verified by copyleaks
Apologies for the emoji presentation – I tested several, but this was the only one that worked reliably on ColourMine. Just click the box next to the emoji and hit submit, and I’ll know if the poem resonated with you. Thank you for sharing your feelings.
More poems written by Susan Lane, and you can choose by category
Blog | Organic voice | A happy survival of triumph here
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