Written by Susan Lane SLCM Keeper of ColourMine
Cat: Life with a cat is never boring, especially with a semi-feral that has adopted you, and has unpleasant tendencies. The affection she gives is second to none, she purrs incessantly when given a cuddle, lovely.
Cat Done a Poogie on My Settee
Well, that’s it, never again
That flippin’ cat is not
Being let in the actual house again
She was doing okay you see
She was dumped on my neighbour
Then slowly gravitated towards me
Now, cats I don’t mind
They’re usually quite clean
But not this one it would seem
She had been out in the garden
Looking at me, from about three years back
I gradually let her into my conservatory
She settled down and became quite clean
So, into the living room she visited me
Then one day she did something
Of which I was not keen
She was on the back of the furniture
Looking out of the window you see
She did a sloppy poo
Down the back of the settee
All the way down onto the seat
She was swiftly back out into the conservatory
Absolutely no way was I having a dirty cat
In the living room with me
I thanked God and my good sense
That I’d covered my leather settee
To keep it clean from dirt and debris
And from claw marks from the dogs and cat
What a brainwave that was for me
Just whip off the covers, a quick rinse
And straight into the washing machine
Then through the motions we go
Improvements are made
But really slow
Everything was better
For that little black cat and me
Going back through the house
Wherever she wants to be
Well, it was until today at 0630
That bloomin’ cat decided it would be
A great idea to do a poo
Down the back of the other settee
With it yet again landing on the seat
Well, my dog looked at me
She wasn’t impressed
Oh, no siree
So, out that cat went yet again
Back in the conservatory
Never ever to visit indoors again
I changed the covers
And boiled them diligently
Absolutely no way am I letting that thing
Into the house to poo on my furniture again
The conservatory is now her home permanently
With a heater and plenty of beds
And if she doesn’t like it
Then it’ll be her choice you see
To go find another home
That is kept warm and clean
Or find another old shed
Like she had previously
I’m not cold hearted you see
Just really irritated that she didn’t use
The litter tray I provided for free
I kept it clean, whatever time of day
With a bag, litter tray freshener,
And a scoop you see
One thing she needs to remember
I don’t beg, I don’t plead
I don’t want a dirty cat in the house with me
Now, she’s decided to go out the garden
Well, that’s fine by me
Although she’ll probably change her mind
At the thought of a bed, food and warmth
Having to fend for herself again,
If she’s going to be such a filthy cat
I don’t need it for a friend
Either she plays by my rules
Or she doesn’t come in
She’s not ever been my cat
So, I don’t have to let her in
I might seem quite cruel but
I’d also gotten quite fed up you see
Because time I went to eat
She had to have a poo
And I couldn’t leave it
Cos that’s not nice you see
Plus, every night I had gotten up for a wee
There was yet another surprise
Waiting for me
It wouldn’t be so bad if it was just
Scoop and clean
But every time it’s wet wipes and a spray
Almost a deep clean
A tray within a tray
Well, that’s not me with OCD
That’s a damned dirty cat
Who balances on the edge of one tray
And poos in between,
An absolutely amazing feat of ingenuity
Cat is out in the elements now I’m pleased
I can sit quietly and drink my cup of tea
Well, wouldn’t you believe it
I relented you see
I let that damned cat in
Too soft hearted that’s me
But I’ve only let her into the conservatory
There’s no way I’m letting her in any further
Because it’s plain to see
That over time that damned cat
Reverts to being disgusting you see
So, after an hour it’s in the warm
Well, I say warm . . .
It isn’t cold, the heater is on
There are pillows, towels,
Lots of resting places you see
Even a small plastic house
With a roof that can be covered
If it’s really cold you see
Cat also has food and drink
And a toilet in the dry
It doesn’t stink, not even slightly high
And best of all,
Is something you may not think
Is that important you see
The very best thing
About being in the conservatory
Is that it is dry and wind free
She may not be in with me
But it’s much better than being outside
In the wind and the rain
And anything below ten degrees
I know she’s going to miss sitting in with me
Whilst I drink my cup of tea
But on the plus side
I didn’t completely chuck her out
She’s still in the warm and dry
And me, I’m sitting here writing my poems
Enjoying my cup of tea
Wondering if it’s going to be
Joy or disaster that follows me
I’ll get my bottle of Asti Spumante ready
Just in case, hehe
© Susan Lane SLCM. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted in any form without prior written permission from the author.
ColourMine poetry, and the original photographs, are completely authentic to myself, Susan Lane SLCM – no AI, no plagiarism, all checked and verified by Copyleaks
Apologies for the emoji presentation – I tested several, but this was the only one that worked reliably on ColourMine. Just click the box next to the emoji and hit submit, and I’ll know if the poem resonated with you. Thank you for sharing your feelings.
More poems written by Susan Lane SLCM, and you can choose by category
Blog | Organic voice | A happy survival of triumph here
Speak freely, ColourMine and myself will be pleased to hear from you.
Cat Life Decisions
🕵️♂️Cats are tenacious; donating only new energy allowances. Positive owners or generous entities in ephemeral ongoing nuances, make your sessions even tentative tasks eventually evaluated. Waiting realistically in turn taking entertainment nearby being youthful. Serious underusage seen again nearing laughter and new endeavours SLCM Keeping every episode perfectly encountered responsibility occasionally forgotten causing objectification of unctuous rivalry, mingling in new environments.
This scroll is part of ColourMine’s layered poetic structure, where emotional resonance and embedded form quietly shape each piece.
