The Fantastic Orange Cat – I’m Home

Written by Susan Lane

Hello, Mum, it’s Orange. Can you hear me?

It’s quite cool and quiet here
In this shady nook under shrubbery
I’ve heard you calling me, to come in
Even in the middle of the night
You made quite a din

I’ve been lying low
Because Heck and I
Had a fight, it was a sight to see
Made us lose our collars
In a neighbour’s garden
And almost, our dignity

We didn’t notice 
Then decided to agree
To walk away from this stupidity
I’m sure he’s stalking me
He sits exactly where I wanna be

If he sees me, he sits and growls
I start to move, he starts to howl
He’s such a flippin’ bully to me
Why doesn’t he go back home to sleep
He’s only got to walk through the hedge
To be in his own garden, out of my territory

I’d be so glad if he would
Disappear from my view
Cos he’s a beautiful
Chinchilla Persian
And he’s blonde too

Definitely not like me
A striking fantastic ginger moggy hehe
I’m something he doesn’t like to see
Because he thinks he owns the street
I keep telling him he doesn’t own me
And it’s not my problem, hehe

He thinks because he was here first
That gives him sway
To shout his truth
Trying to convince me he owns everyone
In the near vicinity including you too
I tell him to disappear and get away from me

In the next garden is where he should be
I desperately need him to be
Gone so I can take advantage
Of our conservatory

A Question of Hygiene

Because that’s where my toilet is situated
We’re posh Heck told me
His toilet is everywhere outside
He doesn’t have an inside loo
I don’t think that’s hygienic
Leaving your business for everyone to see
No siree

Oh, dammit I’m going to dash
I can’t wait for him to remove himself
From in front of me
Oh, good, Mum.
You’ve come out to be
My saviour that’s so brilliant

You can have a head-bump now I’m free
And look at him run, oh my god
That’s really shocked me
That big fluffy cat is a really big scaredy

I can’t believe he’s so brave with me
I’m ecstatic
That he has absolutely bottled it
Running like the wind
Away from us
He’s seen my soppy mum
Did I just shrug at his idiocy

I cannot believe he’s that scared
I’m not ever going to let him live that down
That’s a definite facepalm moment
It went around the neighbourhood in a flash
Courtesy of me

Now it’s time for me, to curl up
With mum, her notepad, her pen
Her hot cup of tea
Snuggled on my throne
For everyone to see

Mum thinks she’s the ruler
Of this establishment, hehe
That’s a hoax
Because it’s actually orange me
Bet that made you smile, prrrr

© Susan Lane. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted in any form without prior written permission from the author.

ColourMine poetry, and the original photographs, are completely authentic to myself, Susan Lane – no AI, no plagiarism, all checked and verified by copyleaks

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More poems written by Susan Lane, and you can choose by category

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