Written by Susan Lane

Appliance Early Morning Chatter

“Oh my god, you’re not dead, 
You’ve been quiet for so long 
I thought you were nearly gone”, 
“I’m still here don’t you fret 
I just don’t like to get so flippin’ wet” 
“But you’re a dishwasher don’t you know 
And getting wet is part of the show” 

“It’s great don’t you see, when the 
The lady of the house opens your door and 
She pops in cups, plates and cutlery 
And looks around for more 
A wash tab goes in, can’t be too careful you see 
Your hygiene is top priority 
Minutes is all it takes for you 
To make everything hygienically clean 
Through and through” 

“All her plates and dishes too, 
Have a beautiful gleam then 
Every so often she leaves you empty 
So, you can have a proper clean 
Then you smell fabulously better 
for quite a few weeks.
And the kitchen doesn’t smell so bleak” 

“Well, I think you should know, 
Every three or four days is all I go, 
Because the other dishes she doesn’t give me 
She does them by hand after every animal feed” 
“Then you whirr and slosh multiple times 
Just to get rid of all that grease and grime” 

“It’s nice to see you’re still here with me 
By the way, did I tell you my name is De’Longhi” 
“Good afternoon De’Longhi my name is AEG 
I know it’s a strange name for me, 
Maybe you can call me 
Sid or Bert or basically anything” 

Appliance Disgust

“Ok so AnEthinG it will be 
I know why you’re finished before me 
Your cycle is only 30 minutes you see and 
That’s a pretty good life you lead”

“Well good morning to you, 
I’m going for a well-deserved snooze 
I think I’ve earned it 
After cleaning up after all that booze 
And having been up and doing so early zzzzz”

"Would you believe it 
AnEthinG has gone to sleep 
Without even a flippin’ bleep 
Where’s his manners I’d like to know 
Not one of us can get anymore sleep 
Cos, bloomin’ cheek, 

He’s snoring so loud 
I can barely hear 
Bosche the washing machine 
Cycling too, enjoying all of the washing 
That he’s been given to chew 

It’s amazing that of every appliance 
AnEthinG thinks he’s 
The only one up and doing this work thing 
Enjoying the early morn 
Some of us are always in demand 
But he doesn’t see 
‘Cos, he spends most of his time asleep 

Oh, well never mind, it’s time for me 
To heat up and get ready for 
My lady’s fresh cup of tea 
Then once done it’ll be time for me 

To have another snooze until tomorrow 
At day break, I’ll be here boiling away 
And getting ready to give a boost 
To my lady with a cup of good cheer 
Glad to be of service every time of year"

© Susan Lane. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted in any form without prior written permission from the author.

ColourMine poetry, and the original photographs, are completely authentic to myself, Susan Lane – no AI, no plagiarism, all checked and verified by copyleaks

Apologies for the emoji presentation – I tested several, but this was the only one that worked reliably on ColourMine. Just click the box next to the emoji and hit submit, and I’ll know if the poem resonated with you. Thank you for sharing your feelings.

More poems written by Susan Lane, and you can choose by category

Blog | Organic voice | A happy survival of triumph here

Speak freely, ColourMine and myself will be pleased to hear from you.