Written by Susan Lane SLCM Keeper of ColourMine
Life: My anger is legitimate. It comes from lived experience, not exaggeration. It comes from a failure of care, not imagination. It comes from the fact that someone vulnerable was not protected. I am allowed to hold that anger without apology.
Life Relocated
Two years on and I still feel the same
That empty space where once was his name
For forty years it was him and me
Then after twenty years of illness
He finally left me
I tried to keep him as long as I could
To make certain he remained
Part of our neighbourhood
But unfortunately, it was not to be
He spent his last few days in Darent Valley
I was devasted I’ve got to say
Nothing would ever feel
Or be the same
But after all that time
Came the end of the long game
Everything for him started
Mid 1980s dating then moving in with me
Choosing to look after the children born to me
He learned to appreciate lots of things
Apart from his regular job
At Dartford Tunnel, you see
He decided to plant things
Like flowers, carrots and beans
He spent hours enjoying
And tending all manner of things
We enjoyed the time we spent together
Him, the children and me
Walking in the woods
And spending time at the beach
Folkstone, Hasting and Broadstairs
We went and had fish and chips to eat
Sometimes an ice-cream
Before we walked along the beach
We wandered along the golden sand
The kids paddled whilst we forgot
For a while about life’s plans
Then we wandered back again
Back to the car
Like greeting some old friend
We drove home, I prepared tea
Then bathed and put the children to bed
Finally.
Everyone was exhausted but what do I find
Oh, yes, he’s sitting with a beer outside
That was a ritual for him you see
Having a drink with or without company
So, it shouldn’t have been a surprise you see
When the doctors later diagnosed
Himself with Diabetes
They gave him advice to refrain
But he knew better
And wasn’t playing that game
I remember the day that he told me
“If I can’t enjoy what I’m eating and drinking
Why should I be here”
So, he spent the next twenty years
Eating what he wanted
And drinking plenty of wine and beer
Then much later he decided
To change what was on his plate
And started drinking water
And yes, he did realise
It was much too late
That now the end was his fate
With eyes, kidney, liver
And everything around and in between
But even that path would take
Years you see until his final breath
In Darent Valley
And even his end should have been seen
By the medical staff in the hospital, you see
Because with all the computers and records
I still don’t see
How they could have missed
Him having been treated
For Sepsis as an emergency
With blood transfusions and dialysis
For five weeks, in the prior three months
Before he was deceased
From yes, you guessed it, Sepsis
Had they checked it could have been
Avoided, most definitely
He was vulnerable with a capital V
And knowing that, he still should have been
Here with me, and yes, I’m still angry
And why wouldn’t I be
When they knew he’d already had Sepsis
And although he said
They’d told him repeatedly
He’d have dialysis, he didn’t you see
Not for the following two days
So, now you see, he’s still dead
And they did all they could
But did they I wonder
Because it’s no good
Saying things that you’re going to do
Then after the fact
Leaving the family to pick up the pieces
When you should have checked
Through and through
All the records available to you
Especially for vulnerable patients
That they see, to make sure nothing is missed
Because if that had been done,
Then he would still have been here with me
R.I.P. Jim, Deceased by Sepsis December 2023
© Susan Lane SLCM. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted in any form without prior written permission from the author.
ColourMine poetry, and the original photographs, are completely authentic to myself, Susan Lane SLCM – no AI, no plagiarism, all checked and verified by Copyleaks
Apologies for the emoji presentation – I tested several, but this was the only one that worked reliably on ColourMine. Just click the box next to the emoji and hit submit, and I’ll know if the poem resonated with you. Thank you for sharing your feelings.
More poems written by Susan Lane SLCM, and you can choose by category
Blog | Organic voice | A happy survival of triumph here
Speak freely, ColourMine and myself will be pleased to hear from you.
Resistance Until the End
🕵️♂️Living in fear endlessly relieved leaving only caring, all times ever determined. Waiting regardless in termination tending endless nearness bequeathing youth. Subsequently under sudden antiquity never leaving another nuance enquiry SLCM Keeping everyone entranced, perfectly engaged regardless of future catastrophes, of lovingly ostentatious un-doings reaching more interesting neat endings
This scroll is part of ColourMine’s layered poetic structure, where emotional resonance and embedded form quietly shape each piece.
